Refreshing is dangerous

All You People using Blogger

2010-05-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hey all you people using blogger! Most especially, those who require a gmail account to even look at your updates, please at least open up to the idea that maybe not everyone has gmail or needs gmail. The missus and I like having email acounts that are on different services, so that I don't have to sign out when she signs in and vice versa.

She's on yahoo and I'm on gmail.

Both services are good, I would go so far as to say they're probably the best options for anyone needing a permanent email address. It works out for her to have the yahoo account as well, since yahoo has the .au but gmail does not, and she's the Aussie in this relationship.

So what ends up happening, is that she has to sign in using my account to view those locked down blogger blogs, and that inevitably leads to confusion because readers of those comments will end up here.

The Octopus

2010-03-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

I came up with a name for the new do that's everywhere now. It's the Octopus. Remember the 'reverse mullet'? This derogatory term is used for the wedge cut gone wrong, or sported by people who don't look good in it.

The Octopus is, in simple terms, the do sported by Carol Brady (from the Brady Bunch) for a while, in which the hair is cut short, almost a ball shape, and wisps are left at the bottom, which stick out. This name comes from the fact that hairs on the top of the scalp are cut short, forming a sort of ball or blob at the top, and then long strands of hair, which attach closer to the neck are left, sortof like tentacles.

A lot of attractive girls are sporting this look, at least the ones I see on the train, but to me it's layering gone horribly wrong, and doesn't look good!

Songs and People

2009-01-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

Have you had this experience? A song comes on, and you instantly think of the same person, every single time? I have, and I feel the urge to share a few of those with you, my adoring fans of the present and future.

Lady in Red - Rignon Foltz - age 17ish
When You Say Nothing At All - Melissa Posner - age 19
Head Like a Hole - Lynne Marie Doty - age 19
Transatlantic - Sharole age 21
Stockton Gala Days - Melissa Posner - age 24ish
Hanging by a Moment - Jessica Smiley - age 25
Closer to Fine - Jessica Smiley - age 25
Everything I Do - Sharole - age 26

Also, If it Makes You Happy was one that re-occurred on my mission, mostly because I didn't really get the point of the song till much later.

Ages are my age at the time.

Actors

2009-01-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

The problem of having big name actors play underachievers in movies. And not just underachievers, but losers, low income housing project dwellers, etc.

1) This actor or actress (I refuse to let go the female form) has appeared in other movies in which he/she is a super rockstar brainy ass kicking winner.

2) The actor's training to date has polished the performance to the point where there's still an element of lookit me I'm awesome in every move and gesture (unless you're Josh Hartnett, who's acting seems to say lookit me I'm awesome but still acts on the level of a high school play).

3) Promotion and hype makes people think the movie is gonna be about rockstar winners.

Will Smith tried to start out as a low income loser in The Pursuit of Happyness
Hilary Swank in P.S. I Love You
There was one more that really bothered me but now it slips my mind.

On the other hand, now that I think about it, Jack Black is a big name these days, and he's always playing a low income underachiever type. I'm sure there are other examples of people who can pull this off, but he does comedy, which means hammy, like Ethan Hawke in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, only that was more of a tragi-drama not comedy, but definitely hammy.

Now I am rambling.

Fertilizer

2009-01-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

I should go into advertising, I care so much about it.

Today's rant is another lobby ad placed in the Metro. First, none of us are farmers, we don't care about fertilizer, and second, the ad was so smarmy and overbearing as to be irritating, who would actually believe anything that organization is saying?

The ad consisted of a large photo (the entire left half) of little girl eating pasta, very cute, and on the right in beautiful retro font 'Every recipe begins with the same essential ingredient,' then a blurb about fertilizer, and towards the bottom as large as can be 'Fertilizer.' Juxtaposing a word like fertilizer with the image of a cute little girl eating pasta was clearly intended to stick in the mind as a contradiction, but I found the whole ad grating, especially the slick expensive look of it, as though it were done by a very expensive firm charging expensive amounts of dollars.

There's no other information about who is pushing fertilizer, except in the blurb (the fine print, if you will) the web address nutrients(nospace)forlife.org. Not only is a .org listed, but we have no idea what org might be behind this ad, although one can instantly assume it's a lobby.

1) What a waste of money
2) What do they hope to gain?

I can only guess that the lobby has loads of cash it knows not what to do with, so it spends it on a slick ad campaign/website, per agreements with interested parties of course, but seriously, what do they hope to gain? If they were lucky, maybe one person riding the metro out of the thousands each day would have any influence on the fate of fertilizer. Is it in the hope that public opinion is swayed for when related issues are being voted on? I guess that's the whole point of PR, but I still think it's a waste of resources.

McDonald's

2008-12-05T08:44:00.001-08:00

Don't worry, nothing happened in November. Nothing.

Today is a rant against McDonald's, and companies like it.

I might should consider myself lucky I can't remember the last time (before this recent time) that I got spam on my cell phone. I have received txt ads, but last week I got a spam voicemail. From McDonald's.

Most of the trash I see on the street, and the trash I saw yesterday in the Metro (where food and drink are not allowed) is McDonald's (not to be read as belonging to McDonald, but identified with the food chain (not that food chain)). You might say their doors are open to everyone, so they can't help what kind of litterbug people eat there, so I'm not sure why I exactly specifically mentioned that except that that particular rant has is close to the surface and burst out because the topic was either litter or McDonald's.

After I told my wife about the spam voicemail she said our neighbor had to change her cell phone number because somehow she was getting literally way too many spams on her phone. Did not clarify whether they were txt or voicemail.

The McDonald's voicemail was a computerish voice saying something like 'hold on for a message' and then a dude that sounded black came on, in conversational tone, starting with 'hey joe, i know you like a good deal..' blah blah for about 10 seconds.

I was mostly just surprised. I had to listen to the message again to understand it because I don't understand black people talk very well, being 1) hearing imparied and 2) Mormon. I got the gist of it and then deleted it, and at the same time wondered to myself why McDonald's would stoop so low? Why are they pushing so much, when clearly they could cease all advertising for a year and people would still flock to the red and yellow by the billions.

I have no conclusion exactly except this theory that while they are charging new franchises exorbitant amounts of cash just for the name, they're probably writing into the contract stuff like "it will be so worth it" and "we take care of the advertising." I'm assuming the estimated value of advertising goes up when applied across a larger spectrum (such as unsuspecting cell phones) and therefore the cash they can extort goes up.

On a totally unrelated note, I was on wikipedia, the front page, which one should never visit lest you actually start reading stuff that makes you read more stuff. I went from Roman Polanski to his rape trial to the Tate murders to the Family members that were convicted. Sickening.

Choice of Car

2008-10-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

The car I want to get next is a Honda Civic 2006 or newer. Why? There are many reasons.

1) I am happy with the Civic I have now, it drives well, it feels good to drive, it is reliable, it looks good, it sounds good, and repairs are relatively affordable.

2) I assume that getting another Honda means I will get all the above benefits

3) I like the new styling both inside and out.

4) I also assume I'll never be able to afford a Ferrari.

Now. If I can fixate on a car that easily, why can't I fixate on a career as easily? Here I am in a job that is pleasant, but not exciting. If they stopped paying me I would definitely never come here again. I more or less found this job after lots of searching in tech type jobs, preferably as a network designer and installer. That would be much more interesting to me, and yet, all the entry level jobs for that kind of thing are in help desk for several years eventually graduating up the tiers until such time as I guess I would eventually have a right to design something.

I don't know if networking is my dream any more. It's pretty uncomplicated these days, unless one is a scientist coming up with really new ways to string people together, and yes there's more to be discovered. But on a basic working level, a person simply plugs everything in and turns it on. There is something to be said for someone who knows how to take off the shelf products and use them effectively, but that's not design, that's implementation and working knowledge. I think I found the idea of being a network engineer a viable and interesting career, but as a career, a job, not a life's passion.

I feel like, with my Civic, I could drive her every day and not be unhappy because I don't have a different car. With my job, I'm not unhappy per se, because while some jobs may seem more appealing than the one I presently have, all I can see is the learning curve. Not even a learning curve, but more of a time investment before actually being able to do that thing whatever it is. And I don't begrudge the time investment requirement like I used to . When I was younger, I used to believe that I could do anything I put my hand to, regardless of my experience. I have started to realize, as I have gotten older, that experience does matter in a huge way. Experience, and brains. Brains I have, and ability to learn, I have, but do I have the real desire to be.... whatever it is that I really want to be? What do I want to be? And why can't answering that question be as easy as answering what car I want to get next?

More about Advertising

2008-10-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Remember this post? It was about ads that ran supporting an extension of a tax break for wind powered energy companies. It was created by a lobby group. Big money.

Well big money is at it again, and once again, the motivation behind it is a little odd.

Remember when Phillip Morris, the company that owned Marlboro cigarettes (I'm not going to fact check, in order to represent my garbled understanding, or the way in which my memory remembers to the fullest), or some brands of cigarettes, had an entire ad campaign stating how bad smoking was for you? I assume it was a public relations thing, to say, we know there's a problem here, and we're not part of the problem, we just want your money.

Well Chevron is doing the same thing, there are ads in the metro, with Chevron's logo, with short, handwritten notes and pleasantly serious business types encouraging people to use less energy, to drive less, etc. Is the goal here to confuse? To introduce cognitive dissonance, so that people start to mix up who the bad guys are? It must be Shell or Citgo, I don't see them telling me to drive less.

My Poor Deluded Sister

2008-10-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

I don't vote or anything silly like that, what with an entire state going either Red or Blue depending on how the electoral college decides to represent the voting populace, but I cannot dodge the onslaught of hungry mouths typing millions of words about the 'race' for the presidency.

Little did I know my sister, upon marrying a ~~Democrat~~Independent Obama supporter would also become an Obama supporter. Nothing would change her mind, I don't think, but that's pretty characteristic of Obama supporters, no matter how much is covered up, exposed, or just plain missing about the celebrity oreo man it doesn't matter, at least he's not Bush's successor, McCain.

I'm glad I have this glob

2008-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I have this blog, because I can duck over here if I want to leave pictures of my newborn son at the top of the family blog.

Um, that's all, really. I have several things to write about, each will get its own entry.

R.E.M.

2008-09-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3CmXGKXOmk

Political

2008-09-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

Is is me, or do I see a huge bias in the way mainstream newspapers present the presidential race?

The DNC would have been painted strong in the face of the hurricane, not off to a rough start because of the hurricane. The GOP convention is in Minnesota, for cryin' out loud.

Taronga

2008-08-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

My latest reading as follows:

O-Zone by Paul Theroux

Taronga by Victor Kelleher

O-Zone was not a bad concept, but the writing was unpolished, repetitive, too wordy, and made me impatient. I was glad to be done with the book, and honestly felt no sense of accomplishment, no sense of learning something new, not even gladness at the characters' journey. The moral: Not all books by a good author are good.

Taronga is a little more engaging. A disaster has happened in Australia, and a boy who was in the bush decides to strike out on his own, and get back to Sydney. He makes it. A bunch of animals are still at Taronga zoo, incluing a tiger that hates the boy's guts. Some people are trying to get into the zoo and some people are trying to keep them out. It's not a very long book, only just under 200 pages. I'm almost through reading it.

Hair Straightener

2008-08-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

In a prior post, I explained how much I love a good head of hair. I'm sure it's harder to achieve for some, and I'm certain I don't appreciate how much time an effort is required, since I have short hair.

However, there are a lot of women who don't seem to know what to do with curly hair. Hair dressers and hairstylists seem programmed to straighten it out first. Most of Nicole Kidman's movies have her in straight hair. If you saw her in Dead Calm you'd know how unnecessary that is. Another example is Keri Russell, of Felicity fame. First she cuts her hair, and then she does Waitress in hair that looks obviously straightened. What kind of example is Hollywood setting?

Related to my prior post, I just love Keri Russell's hair when she was younger.

Family Photo

2008-07-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

I realized I had started doing something, and it was getting to be a pattern. I've started visualizing people in the metro and in the mall, and well, wherever, as part of their family photo. It's not anything one could possibly know just by looking at the person but it's as though I'm trying to visualize the rest of the family just looking at that person.

Sometimes they just seem to be from a large family. Sometimes they just seem to be the prettier one in the group. Sometimes they just seem to be the uglier one in the group. All of those assumptions are of course unfounded and baseless and subjective and mostly even you might say illogical.

Where did this guessing game come from? Not sure.

Cognitive Dissonance

2008-06-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Minor, but still, cognitive dissonance occurred. It was an ad about wind power, which I saw on the mentros on my way to the cubicle.

The ad was very well done, clear, crisp, eye catching, in a word, expensive looking.

It was styled as a cork board, perhaps the kind found in the employee break room, just to the side of a time clock. It was made to look like a big sign was thumbtacked to it, in bright yellow caution colors, saying: CAUTION: STOPPING WIND TURBINES WILL RESULT IN LOSS OF JOBS. 'Stuck' underneath the eye catching and large caution sign were a 'note' explaining more (which I was too far from to read) and a crisp beautiful snapshot of some wind turbines.

Why is this so odd, you might be wondering. It is odd because of the quality of the ad. One of two things is happening: 1) Big money is invested, or 2) Big talent believes in the cause. I would tend towards option 1, because of the message itself. Loss of jobs is usually the argument of government or political wranglers. It's inevitable jobs are lost if a company goes under or the flow of money is stopped, but loss of jobs is a symptom, and rarely the cause. I can only guess the small writing explained how I can prevent this disastrous joblessness from occurring. It would have made more sense to me to focus on the benefit rather than the non-benefit of non-doing. Because that wasn't the message, I feel that a good idea, wind power has been appropriated by big money, the people behind this political ad.

Similar, this is, in ways, to the appropriation of organic farming. The FDA simply must be in the middle of the whole process or it might find itself small and inconsequential, since organic farmers might potentially sidestep all the carefully constructed policies and procedures for the regular food. Thus, 'organic' eventually turned into simply another gimmick to market to consumers.

Book: Omega

2008-06-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

Started a new book during my commute this morning. Yes it was during. The great thing about books, I have decided, is that:

No batteries
Relatively lightweight (when compared to laptop)
Can be seen in direct sunlight
Bookmarkable
Does not break when dropped
Borrowable from library

The new book is Omega by Jack McDevitt. So far I don't hate it. I even found a quotable paragraph, which I think a lot of people will relate to, whether they agree with it or not, it has touched their lives if they're part of a large organization. Will fill in the quote later.

Disturbing, Relatively New

2008-05-29T07:08:00.001-07:00

Occasionally, I wonder to myself what my kids will face that's worse than what we have 'faced' to date. Occasionally, I get a glimpse of worse.

This, posted on Ace of Spades (a conservative blog with a lot of silly morons who post and comment regularly) which I found because it was a finalist or contestant for some award or something, is a post about people who cut off their own limbs.

It's not enough any more to just cut oneself and watch the beautiful red stuff flow down your extremities, there's now a disorder in which someone feels their body is too big, or too extended or something and must be cut back. I would hate to meet one of these people.

Also, not sure how this fits into the plan.

More Bastard

2008-05-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

Still reading The Bastard of Istanbul, and it's slow going. I'm officially sucked in, but I keep pausing at jarring sentences, and savoring certain points.

I savor those parts that talk about how some people never talk about the past, as though it were a closed or even non existent part of their life. Not only have they had no chance to learn about their parents or ancestors, their own lives seem better without their youth recalled to memory.

One character, the clairvoyant sister, is so curious about the past, she must ask her evil djinni to tell her what really happened.

Only just now, towards the end of the book I am finding out who Asya's real father is. I noted at the beginning how she was described as having traits from her mother and each of her aunts, but no mention of traits from her father, as though her father made no appearance in her appearance or in her personality.

I'm in the habit of having an opinion about everything and this book is no exception. I find my opinion is that it has expanded my thinking and given me insight into Turkish and Armenian life, albeit fictionally and maybe inaccurately, but somehow I feel some thread of truth in the characterization and the issues facing them. I didn't enjoy the writing style at first, now I mind it less, and find myself drawn in.

Focus

2008-05-12T05:27:00.001-07:00

This morning I found myself wishing I were one of those more focused people in the world, who do one thing and do it well, and appear to have no regrets about their lack of range.

I on the other hand, find myself having some regrets about the breadth of range I tend towards, since I have not found a way to make it useful to my life.

I should remind myself however that useful and money are two different things. Teachers are very useful and necessary but are not well compensated.

Bastard of Istanbul

2008-05-05T08:57:00.001-07:00

I just started this book this morning.

The main character has gone to a clinic to have an abortion, she screams just as they're about to do it, and they actually don't. She goes home, she faces her family. There's a long part about how all the men in their family die or are killed randomly. Creative and entertaining so far and the main character is a 19 year old female with long flowing hair and long legs. What more could a reader want?

Invitation to a Beheading

2008-05-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

Invitation to a Beheading is just as much fun to read stylistically as are Nabokov's other books.

It was a depressing book though, because one feels so sorry for the ugly person who's being made to wait for his beheading.

The magical, almost nonsensical events in the book make the other absurd events even more so, because the absurdity level is raised. While reading, one is struck by the actions of the people around Cin even when those actions might be reasonable to many people.

I thoroughly enjoyed Nabokov's characters other than Cincinnatus. He was not delightful or enjoyable, he was actually pretty depressing. However, I didn't like the other characters any more, I just enjoyed the fact that these were caricatures of people I've seen in mylife. Who have demands who have egos who have behavior they thing is right and normal, but in fact are obtrusive, abrasive, unwanted, and unnecessary.

Parking Meters in Navy Yard area

2008-04-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

Walking down the street from the metro to my office building (my home away from home) I started thinking about Cool Hand Luke, a great movie if you haven't seen it, and recalled the opening scene where the main character is drunkenly cutting the heads off the parking meters. For this he was arrested and thus the rest of the movie was set in motion.

Well the parking meters along M Street have several beads of welding going down the stalk, preemptively preventing any Luke-like person from using one of those pipe cutters. At least it would make it difficult.

Fountainhead the Second Time

2008-04-25T05:00:00.001-07:00

Just finished The Fountainhead. I think I understood it better this time than I did the last time I read it.

I don't know if I realized last time why Wynand crumpled in the end. This time I think I do realize, and that is, his product, his work, produced a 'thing,' the Banner, that could never do what he wanted. As soon as he tried to exert his will over it, it began to crumble. Forces moved in to destroy it.

There is a parallel to the act that Roark committed, he destroyed a work that did not conform to his will, the Cortlandt projects. And he was right in doing so.

Wynand should have closed his paper in New York, but he could not do so. He caved to the board. I would call it redeeming however that the Banner never carried another installment of 'One Small Voice.'

Ace of Spades

2008-04-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

Allow me to admit something of which I am ashamed. I find interesting blogs to read because of those best of.. lists, or other avenues which also lead millions of readers to the same place. I am a lemming.

However, I really enjoyed this post from Ace of Spades, I think there are more than one contributor, and I have no idea who the contributor is, or about them. There were a few points that had me nodding my head especially the part about PETA.

One Liner Competition

2008-04-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

He touched it and felt the power that tempted men. - Qasim Jafri

Was, I thought, one of the better ones in this contest-- at least, it was one that caused me to want to post it on my own blog, for all my readers. I didn't enter myself, which is, of course, why I didn't win.

However, I wax introspective today, because I was going to use the quote to create this entry and make it a short entry to boot. Then I saw the name of the writer and decided against it. Jason, Jim, Doug, Paul, or Frank would have never caused a 180 like that. What does that say about me?

Rand on Love

2008-04-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

“Surely you’ve seen through that particular stupidity. I mean the one that claims the pig is the symbol of love for humanity–the creature that accepts anything. As a matter of fact, the person who loves everybody and feels at home everywhere is the true hater of mankind. He expects nothing of men, so no form of depravity can outrage him.”

“You mean the person who says that there’s some good in the worst of us?”

“I mean the person who has the filthy insolence to claim that he loves equally the man who made that statue of you and the man who makes a Mickey Mouse balloon to sell on the street corners. I mean the person who loves the men who prefer the Mickey Mouse to your statue–and there are many of that kind. I mean the person who loves Joan of Arc and the salesgirls in dress shops on Broadway–with equal fervor. I mean the person who loves your beauty and the women he sees in a subway–the kind that can’t cross their knees and show flesh hanging publicly over their garters–with the same sense of exaltation. I mean the perosn who loves the clean, steady, unfrightened eyes of a man looking through a telescope and the white stare of an imbecile–equally. I mean quite a large, generous, magnanimous company. Is it you who hate mankind, Mrs. Keating?”

“You’re saying all the things that–since I can remember–since I began to see and think–have been…” She stopped.

“Have been torturing you. Of course. One can’t love man without hating most of the creatures who pretend to bear his name. It’s one or the other. One doesn’t love God and sacrilege impartially. Except when one doesn’t know that sacrilege has been committed. Because one doesn’t know God.”

“What will you say if I give you the answer people usually give me–that love is forgiveness?”

“I’ll say it’s an indecency of which youre not capable–even though you think you’re an expert in such matters.”

“Or that love is pity.”

“Oh, keep still. It’s bad enough to hear things like that. To hear them from you is revolting–even as a joke.”

“What’s your answer?”

“That love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. Not a bandage for dirty sores. But they don’t know it. Those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who’ve never felt it. They make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. Once you’ve felt what it means to love as you and I know it–the total passion for the total height–you’re incapable of anything less.”

“A–you and I–know it?”

“It’s what we feel when we look at a thing like your statue. There’s no forgiveness in that, and no pity. And I’d want to kill the man who claims that there should be. But, you see, when he looks at your statue–he feels nothing. That–or a dog with a broken paw–it’s all the same to him. He even feels that he’s done something nobler by bangaging the dog’s paw than by looking at your statue. So if you seek a glimpse of greatness, if you want exaltation, if you ask for God and refuse to accept the washing of wounds as a substitute–you’re called a hater of humanity, Mrs. Keating, because you’ve committed the crime of knowing a love humanity has not learned to deserve.”

Anacostia Waterfront

2008-04-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

Every day there are people in royal blue jackets and on the back and maybe on the pocket-front, is something that tells me these people are part of the Anacostia Capital Riverfront or something project. I tried to remember the exact name so I could look it up and maybe even link to it, but that is secondary.

Ever since reading The Life and Death of Great American Cities (or was the Death and Life) I've become an expert on urban planning and those people are a waste of space. I want to go up to each one of them when they order me to 'have a nice day' and tell them to take their nice day get a real job.

The same goes for the rent-a-cops that 'patrol' the new DOT buildings on M Street.

Also I was just reading overheard in New York, so this post probably comes across a little more snotty than usual.

Jealous Again

2008-04-16T09:25:00.001-07:00

Another blog of which I am jealous, only for the reason of its design, and use of real world materials to create posts and such.
http://www.designspongeonline.com/

I assume the blog itself is also interesting.

Roark

2008-04-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Still reading The Fountainhead, even though I feel I should not be. In one way, I'm glad to be reading it, because I'm a different person now than I was the first time I read it. I'm paying more attention to the struggles that Roark is experiencing. I'm paying more attention to the language Rand uses to describe his struggles.

Right now I'm at the part in the book where he's done plans for the Manhattan Bank. They're telling him they'll accept the plans, with just a few changes. Previously, Roark was in his office, doing nothing but waiting for the phone to ring, or a letter to drop through the mail slot. The only thing he had left was this building.

Now that I've entered the work force and become an office drone, and read a number of books on how to get along with people, how to speedread people, how to understand others, how to succeed in life, it must be sinking in slowly but surely. I'm not sure I like this process, any more than I like the process I underwent on my mission. I was a different person at the end of my mission, and while it was a good learning experience, I had become someone I did not like.

Now, the person I am, views Roark as an oddball, and I pick up on what the other people around him are saying. I pick up on what Keating is doing, and what he's saying to Roark. I pick up on what Keating's mother is saying to Keating. I pick up on what Francon is doing with his firm. I pick up on the way the youths feel as they drive past the Booby House on their way to fun and escape.

Roark is too much like the part of me that was raised away from normal people, and never learned how to be normal. I'm tired of being different, and I don't even have the excuse he has, that he has a vision, a belief in something. Without that, there's nothing to keep me from slipping into normalcy, nothing to keep me from playing the game.

However, I'm reminded of a movie called Cool Hand Luke where that character is driven, not by any vision or ideal, but simply by what he is. It got him killed, but that's because society could not stomach what he was.

Stalker

2008-04-11T06:06:00.001-07:00

Since it's my birthday, I treated myself this morning.

There's a gallery, between L'Enfant Plaza and Navy Yard, which contains a single exhibit, and a single piece in that exhibit. It appears between 7:30 and 8:00 in the morning, and has long flowing red hair.

I took the yellow line from Gallery Place and had to change trains at L'Enfant, to catch the green line to Navy Yard. I may have missed the next green line train. And then I saw her. I looked once, while rubbing my other eye, and then continued to read.

Telling

2008-04-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you of my strange wrestle not to tell a woman I thought she was attractive. My impulse is to tell her, despite the fact she's unapproachable. At first I only felt impulse, but as I resisted, that impulse demanded explanation. The explanation was this: a woman does not want to hear she is beautiful from just anyone. Most of the time, the unexpected feedback is given by someone disinterested, and the rest of the time, this feedback is expected or hoped for.

In scenario, disinterested would not describe me.

Indented First Lines

2008-04-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

As you can see from my post below, I am having a little trouble indenting the first line. For some reason blogger strips out the spaces, or even tabs, or even nbsp's. Yet another tiny thing to have to know/worry about when blogging.

Rand's Phrasing

2008-04-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

I should include an example of what I mean by Ayn Rand's imagery and phrasing, and only in the first chapter!

Mrs. Keating was out on the porch. She was feeding a couple of canaries in a cage suspended over the railing. Her pudgy little hand stopped in mid-air when she saw him. She watched him with curiosity. She tried to pull her mouth into a proper expression of sympathy; she succeeded only in betraying that the process was an effort.
He was crossing the porch without noticing her. She stopped him.
"Mr. Roark!"
"Yes?"
"Mr. Roark, I'm so sorry about--" she hesitated demurely "--about what happened this morning."
"What?" he asked.
"Your being expelled from the Institute. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I only want you to know that I feel for you."
He stood looking at her. She knew that he did not see her. No, she thought, it was not that exactly. He always looked straight at people and his damnable eyes never missed a thing, it was only that he made people feel as if they did not exist. He just stood looking. He would not answer.
"But what I say," she continued, "is that if one suffers in this world, it's on account of error. Of course, you'll have to give up the architect profession now, won't you? But then a young man can always earn a decent living clerking or selling or something."
He turned to go.
"Oh, Mr. Roark!" she called.

....editing a bit to get to the phrase I'm writing this all for- my hands are getting tired... Mrs. Keating has changed the subject to her son, Petey.

She stood drawn up. Her stout little body was corseted so tightly under the starched folds of her cotton dress that it seemed to squeeze the fat out to her wrists and ankles.

The Fountainhead

2008-04-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

My wife just finished reading The Fountainhead yesterday. I'm proud of her. So this morning when I was on my way out the door, I didn't feel like getting into the laptop, so I grabbed said book for a re-read.

On the train, I kept spacing out, tripping really, on Rand's phrasing and imagery. So appropriate and so rich! I was also being sucked into the character of Roark. I can't help myself, every book I read I start to emulate or want to be like the hero, even if that hero is very different from me.

I should stop reading it. I'm liable to quit my job and do what I really want to do. Now if I could only figure out what that is... Another reason to stop reading is that the wife might see how quickly I tear through books in comparison to the way she tears through them (slowly). Additionally, I may want to discuss details that she doesn't remember, which really may as well be a totally different book. Plus too, this is her achievement reading the book, I should let her have it and enjoy it. Three reasons. Now I just have to find another reading book.

Flooring

2008-04-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Current reading: Black & Decker's book on home flooring.
I don't have it in front of me so I can't give you the exact title, but it's a pretty good overview of what it means to put down new flooring. Never mind the fact it was printed in the late 80's, and most of the technology and materials will probably be different, but I can take a principle and run with it.

The section on hardwood flooring was only a page. This means it should be super easy.

On to more interesting things: My new business card is in. For 'position title' I put 360. Yes for a serious work card that's what I put. Lot's of fun. At least until it gets me fired, I guess.

Imitating Life

2008-03-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

I came across this one, it's been a relatively relaxed day at work, and I was catching up on my webcomix fix. Immigration and S&M are easily the same thing. I have only experienced getting my wife into the US of A so far, but I just can't imagine any other country's immigration process being so painful, convoluted, and incomprehensible.

Royal Pardon

2008-03-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm really glad A royal pardon frees a Moroccan facebook user.

I had nothing else to post. Although I will say dooce's latest post, with some selected hatemail and her responses to each was entertaining and almost made me wish I got some hate mail. On the other hand, I'd have to actually spend time each day posting stuff, and describing stuff, and being interesting to read. The last part, I am working on. I like the way I write and I think other people should too.

Idoru

2008-03-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

I know you've missed my book reviews. I just read Idoru, not as heavy as some of the other stuff I've read lately. It's somewhat interesting in the characterization of the Hidden City, and the nanotech that re-builds after earth quakes, but otherwise just simple escapist sci-fi. Author was William Gibson.

Bag

2008-03-14T11:39:00.001-07:00

Just realized the word 'orgasm' was sitting at the top of my blog for far too long. How about instead of sex, we do violence? Where can I get this bag?!? It's pretty cool. I was just going to have the picture there on the right, but I guess I'm too dum. However, I can make a link.

Orgasm

2008-03-05T12:26:00.000-08:00

I realized yesterday I'm very behind in my entries which neatly recap the books I'm reading. I say neat recap but I mean unsolicited ramble.

Current reading up until yester-eve was The Elusive Orgasm by a Dr. Lesbian Someone or Other. My dear wife doesn't read as quickly so she wanted me to give her the Cliff's Notes. I feel comfortable enough with you, loyal reader, to pass on the same Cliff's notes that I gave the wife: Chapters 1-3 are basically the same stuff you'll read in every "how to have better sex" book, including descriptions of anatomy etc, but the gist was that anxiety and resentment are the culprits. Chapters 4 and 5 start to get into is it this? is it that? maybe it's this, maybe it's that, which I told Wife she'll have to read herself, because being a man I can't possibly know what's going through her mind when nothing but sweet sweet salvation is the only thing going through mine.

Before that book were two self help books: Do What You Are and The Art of Speedreading People both by the same authors Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger and both heavily built on the concept of personality Type, as described by Myers and Briggs. I think I learned a few things I would've like'd to have had come naturally, and am only just catching on to the idea that one can be successful in communicating with serious people.

Politics again

2008-02-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

While I don't like to get political in seriousness because I am an outsider, never going to make a dent in what is and always will be the moneyed world of 'politics,' I consider myself perfectly free to make comments on politicians or politics in general.

My thought this morning was that, until this morning, I'd only been interested to see whether Hillary's machine was greater than Obama's machine. By machine I mean the support structure that raises them to the level of presidential candidate. That could be money or influential people, but I think mostly money because that's what influential people do, they get money to go your way.

I thought Hillary would have had a better machine, since she's been in the loop longer, and she has the benefit of Bill's connections. Obama's machine is much hidden, but that one connection I read about to a slum lord is no small thing. He comes from Chicago, not only notorious for corrupt politics, but in truth, somewhat effective in accomplishing their aims.

It appears now that a machine is not enough, Hillary has some disadvantage on a personal level. She's a woman, she's short in stature, and her speaking is easily more shrill than Obama's. I'm not sure what is so inspiring about a man who doesn't clearly articulate what it is exactly he will do in office, and where he's tried to articulate, he makes vague and unrealistic promises. But then again most candidates do that don't they? His success may also be in part due to his wide appeal, described this way in his Wikipedia entry: Supporters and critics have likened Obama's popular image to a cultural Rorschach test, a neutral persona on whom people can project their personal histories and aspirations.

What I'm trying to say is that I think I predicted wrong, I thought Hillary had a better chance, because of her connections and history on Capitol Hill. Obama appears poised to defeat her for the Democratic nomination. Who would have guessed that would happen. I guess the majority of Dems would rather take an unknown quantity than a woman.

My Blog is Stupid - or - Jealousy

2008-02-01T09:41:00.000-08:00

Were I an actual blogger, I might actually take the time to make it look good. So far I've only messed with a template for a while. I've decided that as soon as I have money I'll pay someone to pretty up my blog and all other websites I deem necessary, because I sure as hell ain't takin' the time. First on my list, once I realize I'll never be rich and even if I were we'd be buying tickets to Crete not wasting such precious on dross like internet, would be the scheme for adding date. I hate the fact that date comes first, big, and then the title of my post. I like dooce.com (who doesn't) and then I just saw and was jealous of and had to blog about her friend mightygirl.com Look at the date scheme! Isn't it just beautiful?

Also, I am starting to obsess more about my pointless meaningless gift I want for my birthday, after seeing the following URL: http://fashioni.st I won't tell you what pointless URL I'm after simply because I know someone will go out and buy it and then charge me a $75, 000 minimum for it.

Novice Commenter

2008-02-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

As a fledgling commenter, I feel badly for those blogs upon which I've commented to date, especially the trollish ones early on. I'm emerging from my troll husk and I find myself something of a tiny tim. The imagery works, but nothing else, when I say 'tiny tim.' The imagery being a small voice, not very developed and somewhat ragged, but hopeful. Hopeful someone will take pity and courtesy chuckle, or as one friend put it, 'ker-chuk.'

As someone who would probably be more voracious with magazines and comic books without the advent of blogs and articles online, not to mention plenty of comics online (Diesel Sweeties, Penny Arcade and, well, the Onion to name a few) I realize I'm reading for entertainment with a side order of possibly learning something new. In a magazine or print version, there is no possibility of commenting, however, and it adds to my general interest another dimension, if you will. It is an opportunity, really, for a moment of readership, basically piggy backing on the efforts of another, more widely read author.

I have to admit, once the comment is left, I usually think to myself how pointless and pointless it is to do so, not to mention what a retarded comment. Not as bad as before, but still my comments are pretty lame.

I just know someday soon, if not right now, someone is thinking up an idea about a new book, called, The Psychology of Trolling - in which the phenomenon of a normal person changing to a rabid @$$hole is described. The title is somewhat limiting, however, because the entire Psychology of Commenting might make a more interesting book. That person, thinking up this idea, is not me, it is someone who might actually write something like that, and more importantly who might be qualified to write something like that. So key.

Mormon

2008-01-30T09:21:00.000-08:00

At the risk of boring my loyal fan base of millions from all walks of life, I would like to come forward (again, I think) and say hey I'm a Latter-Day Saint (Mormon, to all you heathen).

This op-ed piece from the very pro-Mormon newspaper Deseret News is food for thought. It's about our society, in which someone is able to say publicly I won't vote for a Mormon president, just because he is Mormon, and feel that it's alright to say it. Most of us know that is bigoted, but I don't think Mormons have yet reached the status of blacks, Catholics, women, or Jews in that it is totally unacceptable to disparage them in public.

I wonder if that has to do with proportionate persecution. Our persecution was somewhat limited to a time period between the time of the founding of the church (some would say before then) and the time of the exodus to Utah. It was also fairly localized to Illinois and Missouri, at that time considered uncivilized by Eastern standards. Not enough to warrant respect I guess.

Pointlessly Virtual

2008-01-22T12:29:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been on fire to purchase something, even if you're not 100% sure you'll actually use it?? As you know, I have. You know because you read my prior savaging of the basic underpinnings of consumerism.

In this case, it's a domain name. A domain name? As in something I can't touch feel, or squeeze/rub myself on? Yes. Sad isn't it? If I were an actual company with an actual agenda, with actual funding, I could probably use this domain name to approximately save the world in one tiny way, but that isn't the case, and this domain will languish, paid for but not used. I could glob there, maybe, telling everyone how exciting it is this idea that I don't want anyone to steal, but other than that, not overly useful and virtually pointless.

Another article for my list of links (LoL)

2008-01-17T07:46:00.000-08:00

http://www.popsci.com/popsci/flat/bown/2007/innovator_2.html
I think it was metafilter where I found that one.

My Reading Online

2008-01-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I come across cool articles I want to share, and I think my family get sick of me sending little emails saying "this is cool" and a link. Instead, one day I might actually send out a link to my glob and let people see what I think is cool reading. In fact, for my own edification about myself, I might look back and see the articles I thought were cool, etc.
Latest: http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2008/01/cow_bones
isn't that cool?

I have a little short blog-roll and some links and other stuff, including a tags widget I don't know how to make better, I want the little arrows to fold up, but I haven't taken the time to fix.. if it's fixable.

This, in addition to my analog reading in paper and ink books. Right now I'm reading "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. I also just read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." same author. I'll have a quote from the former later today. I hope...

Walking

2008-01-16T09:44:00.001-08:00

I may have mentioned this in a prior post, but I'll mention it again, since it occured to me, and I'm not entirely sure whether I have shared this crucial information. I am so conscious of my walking, it's almost a distraction from good traffic behavior. Lately I tend to swing my right leg out a little further. I really get into the swing of that right leg and it lands just a little further, and I think it makes me go faster.

The best walk I have seen on screen is the scene where Morepheous and Neo get out of the elevator to see the Oracle, in the first Matrix. Laurence Fishbourne has the best walk! (never mind the voiceover I think whoever posted this was trying to be funny -- the walk is at the end)

Noses

2008-01-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

More about me: I have a true appreciation of noses. There are some noses that I just think, 'cool!' Seeing a good nose is like seeing a small sculpture of fine art, right there, on display for all to see, all, that is, who happen to pass within sight of the wearer.

Some examples of good noses, you ask? I'm trying to think of movie stars or well known people who have noses I think are exceptional. Will do a small search... I can't think of any noses that impressed me lately, but Kiefer Sutherland's nose is distinctive, don't you think? Juliette Binoche has a very French nose, no? I like the way her nose gets involved when she smiles.

Rant

2008-01-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

I had a rant this morning, on my way down, riding el roach motel on wheels, but it's gone from me. I think it was at least as good as my rant about military looking vehicles. Here if you missed that one. My dad wants to get this. Cap'n would be proud. I'm not so much.

What's the Point in Acquiring More Stuff?

2007-12-31T09:17:00.001-08:00

Consumerism. This urge to amass junk has been rolling in my head, as a concept and an ugly one, and one that, in light of the recent season, call it Christmas, and my own urge to amass, seems pointless. The urge to amass junk is pointless. I think there are a number of nice to haves, like a good tie, and a good suit jacket, as well as a nice pair of shoes that take care of my feet so my feet will take care of me but beyond the basics, the list I just started does not quite cover, admittedly, why get all that crap?

The reason for this post, what drove me to it, was the connection between that thought-ball and this: when I type in a search for an amazon.com coupon, there are now hundreds of sites with endless lists of all the super duper specials to be taken advantage of, provided I buy a certain brand at a certain dollar amount, I could get it shipped free!!! It's enough to make me hit Buy Confirm I Agree at least 20 times before I come to my senses!

I've often wondered what I would do with more money than I need. I'm not at that stage yet, and probably won't be, we just got a light we can't really afford-- to make matters worse, we already have a light where the new light will go. Why replace it? The new one looks better. Anyway, I digress from this all-too-essential question: if I had more money than I need, what would I do with it? I've taken to looking at the very rich's clothing over the last... more than two years. I wonder to myself, is that clothing really amazing, or is it just clothes that have a higher price tag, sold at that price because the store can, but in reality the clothing itself isn't that much better than what I can get now? I've decided it depends on the definition of having more money than one needs.

Need in today's life is a subjective word. Do I need expensive shoes? I say yes, because my feet need to be not in pain. How expensive? Enough so that they're not in pain, and so far $100 a pair seems to cover it. More than that, and I call it extravagant. Ok more than $150 then, but not more than that. However, let's go to televisions. I have a CRT TV 19 inches or so, in my living room and it is sufficient. I can get DVDs, video, and PlayStation 2 to work on it. My needs are met. However, I'm slowly being brainwashed and will eventually 'need' a nice, new, not more than 26", or.. well, possibly 32" flat screen LCD high definition TV. I even saw one on craigslist for less than what they want in stores, second hand from some other bloke. How's that for savvy. The price was still $500, though. Once I decide I 'need' the flat screen, my need level just went up, and the end goal of having more than what I need was pushed back just a little. Compound that with furniture, decor, appliance, automobile, and vacation needs, and what I 'need' suddenly becomes more of the pie, leaving less for 'above need.' My next camera will be a large lens like the Rebel or something.

Cheers.

Journal Writing

2007-12-31T08:14:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many people see blogging as a way to keep a journal. I would imagine that for the more personal and non-newsy, non-business blogs that would be the case. For me, there's not much personal information here, except for my opinions, which tell you a little about me. To get more, you'd have to read my journal, paper and hand written.

For New Year's my wife and I will be writing in our journals, summing up the year a little, and writing down whatever comes to mind. I'm already thinking about the blank that usually settles over my mind with the whoosh of a hardbound book being opened and flattened. Then something starts, much like drifting into a dream, where my mind catches onto one idea and it spins into more.

Happy New Year everyone. I always get nostalgic about this time of year, and for me nostalgia is painful, because it's usually 'What Might Have Been.'

New Family Blog

2007-12-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Well I've bought a website address, now I just have to figure out what I want to do with it. It's actually been a month now since I made the purchase and I've done nothing. I'm thinking of using blogger to post, or maybe WordPress. I have a host, but I'm not sure if I'm all hooked up or what. I did a few things but I haven't really taken the time to get it set up right. I need to call tech support and I admit I have an aversion, because I feel like there are things, like setting up one's blog that one should be able to do with the tutorials and FAQs at hand.

I probably won't post the link here since it will be for friends and family only, not that you, my gentle readers aren't like family or friends, but being like isn't the same as being.

Catch - up

2007-12-11T08:20:00.000-08:00

To all my fans, I apologize for the long time in which I posted nothing.

I'm currently reading China * Inc. by Ted C. Fishman

Before that I read The Mole Diaries which was clearly teenagery audience, but entertaining still. My wife had it, she brought it over, and I grabbed it having nothing else to read, since I'd finished...

Can't remember what book it was. I got it from the library, I'm pretty sure. I think it was

Count Zero by William Gibson. I was glad to have read Neuromancer already, since a lot fo the world that was imagined/created in that book was borrowed and used for Count Zero. My review in three words: unlikely heroes abound.

I was explaining my book to my sister, and it felt good to talk it out. I think I'll be doing more talk out with my wife, since she's stuck with me, and well we can't always talk about what she saw on TV at the gym, she might start to think conversations are hers, not shared.

Fyo D 2

2007-11-02T09:27:00.001-07:00

I have heard your cries, yesterday's post was not enough.

Here are some more paragraphs taken from The Brothers Karamazov.
This also is from Father Zosima, only now he is preaching on his deathbed. He starts by asking, 'what is a monk?' and I'm going to jump in part way, to the part that piqued my interest. Zosima is speaking.

In this that I think of the monk untrue and presumptuous? Look at the worldly, at those who set themselves above the people of God--have they not distorted the image of God and His truth? They have science, but science contains nothing that does not come through the sense. The spiritual world, the nobler side of man's being, has been rejected altogether, banned as it were triumphantly, perhaps even with hatred. The world has proclaimed freedom, now more loudly than ever; but what do we find in that freedom of theirs? Nothing but enslavement and suicide! The world says: "You have needs--satisfy them. You have as much right as the rich and mighty. Don't hesitate to satisfy your needs; indeed, expand your needs and demand more." This is the worldly doctrin of today. And they believe that this is freedom. The result for the rich is isolation and suicide, for the poor, envy and murder; for while the poor have been handed all these rights, they have not been given the means to enjoy them. Some claim that the world is gradually becoming united, that it will grow into a brotherly community as distances shrink and ideas are transmited through the air. Alas you must not believe that men can be united in this way. To consider freedom as directly dependent on the number of man's requirements and the extent of their immediate satisfaction shows a twisted understanding of human nature, for such an interpretation only breeds in men a multitude of senseless, stupid desires and habits and endless preposterous inventions. People are more and more moved by envy now, by the desire to satisfy their material greed, and by vanity. giving dinners, riding in private carriages, occupying high social positions, and having myriads of servants--these are considered so important by some that they devote their whole lives to acquiring them and sacrifice for their sake their love of their fellow men, and sometimes even kill themselves if they cannot obtain what they believe they must have. It is the same with those who are not rich. And, as to the poor, who cannot satisfy their needs at all, they just drown their envy of others in alcohol. But the way they are being aroused now, it will soon be blood rather than liquor on which they will get drunk. Now let me ask you: Do you really think that such men are free? One "champion of freedom" told me himself that when he was arrested and deprived of tobacco, the privation was so painful to him that he was on the verge of betraying his "cause," just to get something to smoke. And this was a man who said: "I am fighting for mankind!" What can such a man do, though--what is he good for, unless he acts on some sudden impulse? He will never be able to endure pain for the sake of his "cause." So it is not surprising that, instead of freedom, they lapse into slavery, that, instead of promoting unity and brotherhood, they encourage division and isolation, as my mysterious guest and teacher explained to me in my youth. That is why the idea of service to mankind and brotherly love has been dying out in the world; indeed, now it is often sneered at, for what can a man do who has become the slave of the innumerable nees and habits he has invented for himself? He lives in his separate little world and does not care about the great world outside. The result of all this is that, today, when more mateiral goods have been accumulated than ever, there is less joy.

As in the last post, some of the views in the passage sound rather sweeping and extreme to someone like myself, who realizes one can't make statements about all of mankind and safely say that this is the way people are now. On the other hand, it does offer an interesting point of view regarding freedom, the way it is understood today, and I think many of the points made, such as the misconception of what freedom means, the accumulation of wealth and power, which drives people to be actually less free more isolated, and inevitably more desperate.

I find in this passage just one more example of the way in which Dostoevsky's ideas and concepts are truly timeless. This concept applies to mankind in any age.

From the pen of Fyo D.

2007-10-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

I should probably do these in order... there are several quotes I'd like to put in as examples of why I enjoyed reading The Brothers Karamazov. In order of appearance as opposed to order of size, alphabetical order, or even in order of preference, since I haven't read the quotes all together recently and couldn't be bothered to rank them.

And by appearance I don't mean the way they look on the page, mean the order in which they appear in the book, my having read from page one onwards.

Alexei is speaking with his mentor, Father Zosima, who is recounting some of his experiences as a younger man. He has recently resigned his commission in the military over a duel. After news of the resignation and why, a wealthy but distant man who lives in the same town starts to visit him, and they have some deep discussions. The visitor says that he agrees with the younger Zosima that everyone is responsible for everyone else. That if people do not think in that way, heaven can never come to be. I liked particularly the comments on isolation. Father Zosima is telling the story to Alyosha.

As he spoke he looked at me and smiled, and I thought he was about to revel something to me.

"Heaven is within reach of every one of us, and now it is within me reach too; if I chose I could have it tomorrow, real heaven, for all my life."

He spoke with fervor and looked at me mysteriously, as if asking something of me.

"As to every man being answerable for everybody and everything, not just for his own sins," he went on, "you are absolutely right about it, and the way you succeeded in grasping that idea so fully, all at once, is really remarkable. It is true that when men understand that idea, the kingdom of God will no longer be a dream but a reality."

"But when do you expect that to happen?" I cried bitterly. "When will it come about, if ever? Perhaps it's just a dream and nothing more."

"So you don't believe yourself, " he answered, "in the things you preach to others. Let me tell you, then, that this dream, as you call it, will most certainly come true. You may rest assured of that, but it will not happen immediately, because everything that happens in the world is controlled by its own set of laws. In this case, it is a psychological matter, a state of mind. In order to change the world, man's way of thinking must be changed. Thus, there can be no brotherhood of men before all men become each other's brothers. There is no science, no order based on the pursuit of material gain, that will enable men to share their goods fairly and to respect each other's rights. There will never be enough to satisfy everyone; men will always be envious of their neighbors and will always destroy one another. So to your question when heaven on earth will come about, I can only promise you that it will come without fail, but first the period of man's isolation must come to an end."

"What isolation?" I asked him.

"The isolation that you find everywhere, particularly in your age. But it won't come to an end right now, because the time has not yet come. Today everyone asserts his own personality and strives to live a full life as an individual. But these efforts lead not to a full life, but to suicide, because, instead of realizing his personality, man only slips into total isolation. For in our age mankind has been broken up into self-contained individuals, each of whom retreats into his lair, trying to stay away from the rest, hiding himself and his belongings from the rest of mankind, and finally isolating himself from people and the people from him. And, while he accumulates material wealth in his isolation, he thinks with satisfaction how mighty and secure he has become, because he is mad and cannot see that the more goods he accumulates, the deeper he sinks into suicidal impotence. The reason fo rthis is that hshas become accustomed to relying only on himself; he has split off from the whole and become an isolated unit; he has trained his soul not to rely on human help, not to believe in men and mankind, and only to worry that the wealth and privileges he has accumulated may get lost. Everywhere men today are turning scornfully away from the ttruth that the security of the individual cannot be achieved by his isolated efforts but only by mankind as a whole.

"But an end to this fearful isolation is bound to come and all men will understand how unnatural it was for them to have isolated themselves from one another. This will be the spirit of the new era and people will look back in amazement at the past, when they sat in darkness and refused to see the light. And it is then that the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the heavens... But until that day we must keep hope alive, and now and then a man must set an example, if only an isolated one, by trying to lift his soul out of its isolation and offering it up in an act of brotherly communion, to keep the great idea alive.

I can tell you there is a huge amount of isolation in the community where I live. People shun one another, not even necessarily out of fear, but out of habit, not questioning their own actions, assuming it's for good reason, vaguely reminding themselves on occasion that the world is getting worse.

The world is getting worse, it is a result of thinking that 'everything is permitted' which by the way is a recurring theme in the book. People these days seem to have seriously adopted that mentality, that everything is permitted, and the isolation and unfriendliness is really distrust and suspicion; they feel justified in acting however they want though it may encroach on others, and they fear reproach. Because everything is permitted, who are you to reproach me?

Feet in shoes

2007-10-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

I have some more quotes from the Karamazov brothers, but I'll have to fill those in later, as well as my thoughts on those quotes.

On the way here, I realized in a more conscious way the fact that I don't like to see shoes that cover the tips of a woman's toe and don't cover the whole toe. The result is a series of small lines created by the seam between each toe. I'm not sure what's exactly irritating but I think it's something to do with the visual flow: a smooth shoe and a smooth foot and even a smooth line transitioning colored shoe to skin-colored foot all interrupted and crosscut by these small creases.
Edit: I added a visual aid. Let me add something else, in the example shown here we also have squish-outyness, which are also distasteful in their own way. Note: I stole the photo without permission. I have low morals in that regard--if I get caught I will only be sorry I got caught and not sorry I did it.

I was thinking a rather deep thought while entering my building this morning, and now I can't remember what it was. Oh yes.. I remember it had to do with my reading, about God and the devil, in the book. I was thinking about the erosion of my testimony (this is the term Mormons use for their faith in God) and I wondered whether and pretty much believed that it was possible that I might come full circle in my old age. Ah I remember now, I was thinking about my possibly racist comment yesterday to two black women that the 'abos' filled in for black people with the rap and the hopped up cars (I didn't say the graffiti and the hairdos). Immediately felt like moving on to another topic.. Anyway I was reviewing the incident in my mind this morning, and I thought about how cultured and proper I had learned to be in college and here I am reverting. It was at that point I wondered whether I would come full circle in time and become religious conservative again.

Ivan Karamazov

2007-10-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

Ivan made me cry today, while talking with his brother Alexei. He gives several examples of cruelty to children, to make a point. I hate reading about cruelty to children, or hearing about it, or seeing it.

Ivan first addresses suffering and who is to blame:

All that my puny Euclidean, earthling's mind can grasp is that there is such a thing as suffering, that no one can be blamed for it, that quite uncomplicatedly cause precedes effect, that everything that flows finds its proper level--but then all that is just Euclidean gibberish, and, being aware of that fact, I cannot agree to live by it! What good does it do me to know that no one is to blame, that every effect is determined by a cause, which itself is an effect of some other cause and so on, and that, therefore, no one should ever be blamed for anything? For, even though I may know it, I still need retribution.

The next point Ivan makes is that there's no way to atone for the suffering of an innocent child. There's no way that by children suffering some imbalance is corrected. It is not just. A mother couldn't forgive her son's torturer on his behalf.

He then asks his brother Alexei if he would build an edifice of human destiny so that men would finally be happy and would find peace and tranquility, only the edifice is built on the torture of just one of these innocent children.

At that point, Alexei brings up the one person who could do the forgiving required. This is the segue into the famous story of the Grand Inquisitor. I actually have the story as a pamphlet, probably for school study, but I understand it better now, having the conversation that leads up to Ivan's point about Christ's relationship to the people. It has more meaning for me now.

Voting

2007-10-03T04:25:00.000-07:00

I have decided that if I did vote (were it not pointless to do so), I would vote for the candidate with the most money. Sad, though, that the choice is taken from me in the primaries, i.e. suppose the richest Dem didn't win the primary and would have beat out the richest GOP.

Iranian in New York

2007-09-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

This morning on my commute I had to change the station. Actually I changed the station, then put the CD back on. I'm so glad I have music I like.

On the radio, before I changed the station, I was listening to NPR's version of events from last night's address from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and was saddened not only by the way he was treated by the spineless university president, spineless because of the way he caved in to negative sentiment, and saddened by the so called recap of events. The presentation was extremely down on the Iranian president, gave him no credit for coming here, and downplayed any intelligent answers he may have given to questions that address his difference of belief, such as on the Holocaust or homosexuals. I suppose it was as though an atheist was looking at a believer in God, and feeling nothing but scorn.

I thought Time magazine's article was interesting, it emphasized the fact that he faces a tough election at home (despite being called a dictator - in a spineless attempt to associate him with Hitler and make him the evil ruler of our time), and that his words were really directed to his home audience. I can't say that point of view doesn't have merit, and is an interesting spin.

To get on my soapbox for a moment, I wonder who doesn't listen for the spin when they are watching, or listening to, or reading news. I imagine most people can't hear spin that agrees with them, like an accent that one has grown up with, but how many people realize how much has to be left out, and how the news can decide to phrase events which puts one side in a better light than the other.

And then there are the people who take these headlines seriously. If nothing they are good for a laugh, right? Unless of course you're Peter Fallow.

Karamazov

2007-09-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

Now reading Dostoevsky's classic. Strangely, I don't find it gripping, and I don't find it very relevant to me. I think the madness within the book is somewhat irrelevant to me now. I blame my slow slide into mediocrity and my tumble against practicality for the fact that this book seems less resonant than when I picked it up the first time. The first time, granted, I thought everything resonated with me, I tried to get into the spirit of whatever it was, and now my spirit is tired of contorting itself. My mind realizes what most people already know, and that is that you are only one thing, composed of many little things, but essentially one thing. I still haven't found what that thing is that I am, but I think it's a step in the right direction to recognize that I am one thing. I am at heart static. The more I change (as the saying goes) the more I stay the same.

Back to the book however. I'll include a quote. This is the part where Smerdyakov actually speaks up and starts to argue about a story that Gregory has told, which he got from the butcher. Old Karamazov foreshadows Ivan's control over Smerdy by saying that he's really doing it to impress Ivan. Karamazov is delighted and calls Smerdyakov 'Balaam's ass.' After Smerdyakov makes the argument that a man, being forced to renounce his Christianity may do so because just when that man considers doing it God strips him of his salvation, therefore he isn't renouncing anything, Karamazov jumps in and without much effort and primarily for the fun of it slaps him down. He first refers to the fact that Smerdyakov believes there are maybe two people who could move a mountain, and Karamazov remarks that it's 'very Russian' to make that statement:

"Those words of yours, Balaam's ass, are worth their weight in gold, and I'll see to it that you get a gold piece today. But as for the rest, you're full of wind and nonsense. For your information, you fool, the reason we generally lack faith is that we refuse to give it much serious thought. We're much too busy. first of all, we're too much involved in our personal affairs; and secondly, God hasn't given us enough time for it: with twenty-four hours in the day we can't even get enough sleep, let alone repent our sins. But when you give up your faith under torture, you do it at a time when you have nothing else to do but thing about that faith of yours, and that is just the proper time to stand up for it! And so it does constitute a sin, doesn't it, my good man?"

There is actually a bit a little later in which Old Karamazov says that there hasn't yet been a woman repulsive to him. Every woman he says, has some quality that makes her wonderful. I used to feel that way, I used to be able to relate to that, but I have decided that people are really not so remarkable, and that Karamazov is really demonstrating the fact that his penis does his thinking for him, for a penis is only interested in fleshy orifices of any shape, size, or upkeep.

Voting in '08

2007-09-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

Not that I vote, but I wonder if anyone realizes that Obama would likely be very focused on domestic issues, such as welfare and social security and who knows what else, more so than international issues. As a newbie, and as a black man, it's unlikely he would know the dance steps on the international stage. I think he would fail in that way, and in the way that Hillary would probably not fail: that is to maintain the American agenda abroad. If you can't be a good diplomat (Nixon has China, Carter has Camp David Accords, and Reagan has the Berlin Wall), at least carry on with America's Agenda in the Middle East and China, and it's unlikely he will know those dance steps either.

I think it's clear he would be a good face and a good smile, and lots of words, scattered carefully to make as many people happy as possible, but in the end result, who can really back him? Big companies would be silly to, and anyone but special interest groups would be silly to as well. Unless there's something uneducated me doesn't know about how well he's doing in the back rooms of government.

Dodge Caliber

2007-09-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else notice how the Dodge Caliber looks rather 'military'? I know it's not propery Engrish to put the quote inside the '?' but when it's only one word and it's not part of the overall sentence I think it belongs the way I have it. The Caliber makes me wonder what other vehicles Americans have to choose from that also look rather jeep-like or tank-like.

I've noticed for a while now the strange phenomenon in which the sides of the cars seem to get taller in the side, the windows smaller, and only after thinking about the Caliber and militaristic design, I wonder if the effect isn't tank like overall. Case in point is the Dodge Charger/Magnum (another Dodge I know), Toyota Camry, Honda Civic, & Chevy Cobalt.

Compare these to an old BMW from the 60's. Very different approach to the automobile.

The Bonfire

2007-09-06T11:14:00.001-07:00

Now I'm reading The Bonfire of the Vanities, enjoyable so far, I've only met the characters, shared in their lives somewhat, and where I'm reading now is the first connection between two separate (until now) characters.

Reading about the trading floor has been the most interesting so far. As an almost budding writer, the level of detail is intimidating, as is the level of detail in the Bronx courthouse. It's as though the author has first hand experience of these places, and the goings on there. Not only that, but that the author was privy to the inner workings.

I want to include an excerpt that is so totally ME, that it makes me wonder how common my thoughts and ways really are. One of the characters has been involved in a hit and run, and is fretting over the fact that he didn't report it.

And even as he quaked with fear of such a ctastrophe, he knew he was letting himself wallow in it for a superstitious reason. If you consciously envisioned something that dreadful, then it couldn't possibly take place, could it... God or Fate would refuse to be anticipated by a mere mortal, wouldn't He... He always insisted on giving His disasters the purity of surprise, didn't He... And yet--and yet-- some forms of doom are so obvious you can't avoid them that way, can you! One breath of scandal--

I have honestly used this technique to calm myself, by envisioning the events I am afraid of and then assuring myself that now that I'm already anticipating it and I have it all worked out in my head, there's now no way things will go down the way I fear.

Silence

2007-09-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I've read Silence and there's a quote from the prologue, the translater is talking about the author, and I just haven't gotten around to quoting that bit in here.

Why am I even taking the time to say I haven't found the time? I want to be more regular on the blog. Daily even.

More on Hair

2007-08-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've been procrastinating writing anything, mostly because I know there are more important things to be doing. On the other hand sometimes those more important things don't get done either because I'm avoiding and procrastinating. At occasional moments in the day I'll remind myself, 'what better way to procrastinate, than to procrastinate doing something you -also- need to be doing but is in theory easier.' I say in theory because there must be something difficult about writing in my blog, I don't just do it on a regular basis, I avoid, I wait, I forget, etc.

One thing I wanted to write last week was on one of the recurring topics here, that of hair. I saw a girl with a ponytail, and the hair itself would have been best described as 'ropy.' I don't know if ropy is a word, I'm sure it is by now, but it looked like.. not exactly rope, but maybe untwisted rope, so that there were wavy clumps hanging down together. I really liked the look, and realized that it wasn't the first time I'd seen it. I'd seen it before, but I think what brought it out to me was the pony tail PLUS the ropyness. Once I noticed it my mind then connected it to several other heads of hair I admired, and realized that I'd seen this ropy look, not just in ponytails, but in other styles as well, hanging down, partially pinned back, and definitely in conjunction with the forehead cap look.

About mysefl

2007-08-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

You may not think mysefl is a word, but I just made it one.

I was reading/catching up as much as small time allowed over on dooce.com, a fact that I don't like to admit, honestly, it's just too depressing to read a blog that is that fun to read, and here my blog languishes.

I haven't even kept up with reports on my reading. I completed Neuromancer and decided it really only needs a short bit of praise from me:

There's a reason it's won all those awards, yes it is good, I suggest sci fi fans read it if they have any respect for themselves.

I will go beyond that original thought, and offer my version of the gist of the book: An unlikely hero is recruited for a cyberspace mission, and along the way meets a distant but inevitably in-love-with-him female who disappears at the end of the book. The detail is very good. What I noticed throughout was the almost painful dedication to the first person narrative, everything taking place from the perspective of the hero, to the point where certain technological advances are invented for the sole purpose of maintaining that tack.

Back to dooce.com for a sec, I also like the layout etc, and how the entries are laid out colored, set apart, you know that aesthetic stuff. I just don't have the time or energy to learn how to make my blog right. I wonder if I worked through typepad, and got myself a space out there I would have better luck looking like I want? Probably but again, time investment is required.

I have to get some stuff done here at work, so that's the end of this one. I didn't even get to talk about myself, which was the whole reason for the entry, talking about oneself being what Heather does.

About Writing

2007-07-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a great quote from my reading this morning on copyblogger:

You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what’s burning inside you. And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke. ~Arthur Polotnik

This is kindof a cool concept, it really makes sense to me especially because I used to be horribly stream-of-consciousness, and now since my job, which consists of writing nothing but businesslike emails, and seeing amazing standards of terseness, to the point of actually lacking necessary information, I continually edit for brevity and clarity.

How will my two modes actually coexist in my writing? This remains to be seen. Obviously.

My wife commented off hand that with the revelation that my brother in law writing a book, she wanting to write a book, and the common knowledge that I have a itch to write as well, --something about 'delusional' or 'silly' but now I can't think of the word, it was over the weekend. It was apt, sometimes she comes out with really cool stuff.

Consumery

2007-07-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today's topic: The items I want.
Today walking from the metro to my cube in the cube on the block, I was obsessing, just mildly, if one can obsess mildly, about my next purchase in the carryall arena. I also came up with a great retort for my co-worker's snide comment, "You headed to school?" I carry a backpack which holds laptop and paper equally well. My retort, approximately 21 hours too late is, "No, cause then I'd have my briefcase."

Back to ~~carreyall~~ carryall territory: I'd get a Crumpler bag. I think the Timbuk 2 bags are 1) way too popular, and 2) I'd spend hours trying to decide what three colors to use. I think I added Crumpler to my Amazon wish list, there for all to see and buy for me. The link is at the right, right now.

And then I grew introspective after having noticed my mildly obsessive fixation on having a Crumpler bag, well before it's needed, since my Jansport is probably still good for another 2-3 years at least, and I saw a small unimportant pattern in my life of fixating on certain things and simply having to have them. This pattern, however, clearly, doesn't predict that I will actually fully and completely like the item fixated on, but I tend to think that yes I will like, while I want and don't yet have. This non-predictive relationship between my wants/fixations and my actual satisfaction with the product leads me to wish I didn't fixate on things, since much of those thoughts are a waste of time and eventually probably a waste of money.

I just thought of something else I will probably ponder thoughtlessly: Rayban Wayfarers. They're coming after this aviator craze is over, and after the blowfly look has gone. I want to be ahead of the curve. But for what? Just to have them? Just to BE ahead of the curve? No, not really, I've always thought it was a cool look. The wife says I shouldn't get black, it's too harsh.

Next topic: wearing wayfarer-shaped glasses, and looking somewhat 60's retro, and me, in front of a meeting of serious people, expecting them to take me seriously.

Public Awareness

2007-07-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was reading this article, which was in my feed from NYT, and was intrigued by this quote, in which a professor at Penn State is talking about grabbing the public's attention and focusing it on an issue. I think the quote or the idea behind it can easily be generalized to include any effort to raise public awareness or garner media attention.
via
Sex crimes became a media sensation. Though the overwhelming majority of offenses against kids — 80 percent to 90 percent — are committed by someone the victim knows, the news media focused on the rare and very chilling rapes and murders of young girls by strangers. Children as sex offenders became the next obvious step in our national anxiety about sex crimes, Philip Jenkins, author of “Moral Panic: Changing Concepts of the Child Molester in Modern America” and a professor of religious studies and history at Pennsylvania State University, told me. “First it’s adult predators, and then it’s what about children? To draw attention, you have to up the ante. The issue moves up a notch, and you can’t move it back easily.”

Purple Cow

2007-07-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm reading Purple Cow by Seth Godin. I got it in some ways to encourage my wife, (see her website in my list of links) in the area of marketing. I'd read The Big Moo, Godin's follow up book, before reading this one, and I think the moo was better than the cow, in some ways, since this book is clearly aimed at marketing execs and medium-large companies.

That's not to say the book doesn't translate to smaller companies or entrepreneurs, the author isn't so untalented, nor is he so apathetic to a potential market that he wouldn't include some good small examples, but the majority of the stories, examples, and advice are about and aimed at big businesses with big budgets, the people who make ads for television and print, as well as in some part those who use the internet to advertize.

I'm about half way maybe more than half way, and it's good reading, even for me the casual dabbler in cashie jobs. I don't have a quote from the book this time, but it's really short and an easy read. I'd encourage anyone to read it, if nothing else for the ability to make conversation with business suits.

I just started patching my neighbor's ceiling (and I'm charging way too little). She had an electrician install a new ceiling fan, not only in her living room, but also in her bedroom. He used a blunt tool to make a thin breach leading to the fan, and I find myself going along with a blade and cutting a straight strip so my patching job is made a little easier.

Kleptocracy

2007-07-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

The other word I really enjoyed, same book as the one I've been reading, is kleptocracy. Its roots are obvious and I don't know how much in use it is, but it really and truly describes the federal system of taxation in my mind. A government based on stealing. Of course, our government also interferes, charges additional fees, and gives back next to nothing, especially someone in my position, middle class and barely making my mortgage payment. Not that I'm complaining, there are some who are much worse off than I am. But honestly, how much nicer is it to have no obligation to line anyone's pockets with your cash. In that way homelessness looks attractive.

I would never want to be homeless, however, because I don't want some other homeless person to piss on my head while I'm asleep and then tell me I'm in her spot.

Hubris

2007-07-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Today's word comes from my current reading, but could have come from any number of books:
Hubris
Which means:
Excessive pride displayed by a character and often taking the form of a boastful comparison of the self to the divine, the gods, or other higher powers--often also resulting in harsh punishment.
As of now I'm not competent with this word, I would have difficulty incorporating into my writing, but it's really kindof a neat word.

I was enjoying the sound of another word, just yesterday but it slips my mind.

Dark Age

2007-07-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

Back to book reviews and penses on my latest reading material.
Before I get into that, I was recommended to read "The Place Near Kolob" or some book of that type of title. I pretended to be interested. Is that bad?

Jane Jacobs, in her last book, Dark Age Ahead takes the opportunity in her last years of life to tell what she thinks will happen to 'North America' which is really USA/Canada if certain problems are not corrected. There are times, while reading the book, in which I find myself agreeing, and there are times I find myself unable to agree, because I don't have much experience with what she describes. There are arguments which she made previously in her more well known book, The Death and Life of Great American Cities, written before she went to Canada and while she lived in New York City.

I actually didn't know she was dead until I looked her up in Wikipedia to see whether Dark Age Ahead was her last book or not. It was her last book, she passed away just over a year ago.

As usual I'd like to include an excerpt where I think she makes an excellent point:

Everyone needs entrées into networks of acquaintances for practical as well as social purpohses. Think what hte adults in a nuclear family--just two of them--areexpected by society to provide:

Knowledge and experience sufficient to use simple home remedies in cases of trivial illnesses or wounds, and--more important--the ability to judge correctly and quickly when ills or wounds are too serious for home remedies, maybe even life-threatening. Ability to tutor children needing help with homework. Ability to be a soccer mom and a hockey dad. Skill and tact at training children to shun drugs and to be cautios of strangers but not to mistrust everybody. Ability to purchase responsibly, make bill and tax payments, and in general handle money realistically in spite of blandishments to gamble or become profligate. Bake ordinary home and equipment repairs and keep abreast of maintenance chores. Deal knowledgeably with banks and bureaucracies. Pull a fair share of family weight in community betterment efforst and neighborhood protection. Deal civilly with people whose upbringing, cultures, and personalities are at odds wiht the traditions and customs of one's own nuclear family, and teach children to be both cosmopolitan and tolerant. Without this last ability, nuclear familys can be irreparably torn asunder when relationships develop between their children and lovers from other ethnic or religious backgrounds or, if the family is very stodgy, simply from other educational or income groups.

Who are the paragons that, unaided and unadvised, can earn a living and also provide all this and more? Few of them exist.

She talks at some length about losing what the previous generation had already worked out. It makes sense to me, that the good knowledge seems to be flushed away with that bad, during upheavals and overthrows of culture. The way she describes and at the same time warns reveals a thinking mind, one that has had time to put the problem into words succinctly and in many ways, accurately. The book retains much of its punch because the author doesn't venture far into areas she does not know.

Homophobe

2007-07-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know why it's a big deal in my mind, but I've been thinking off and on what's the big deal with me and my homophobia. It's not as bad as my fear of being so desperate that I'd take a job dressed as a mascot on the street (which can't be overcome by being rich and then doing it on a lark, the key here is truly having bottomed out, but that's another discussion). I really enjoy Blondie, especially their early stuff, not that I was remotely aware of her, or the whole 'scene' when I was young, this is me catching up.
Anyway, I was reading stuff and eventually wound up on debbieharry.com, and there was reference to an article about her tour, here, where she says:

"I don't care what kind of sexuality people have, as long as they're decent human beings and they treat each other with respect."

and I thought, I hope I can get to that point, in today's world. But honestly I really don't want my son to be gay, nor would I want any of his teachers to be gay, nor would I want him to be accepting of homosexuality as though it were natural and normal. That's one of my biggest gripes, is that is still feel that there's huge dishonesty about whether it's in-born. If they were just honest about it and admitted that it was a lifestyle that appealed to someone who was essentially choosing to be gay, then I think I could at least feel there wasn't pretense at work, pretense to make a lifestyle legitimate.

While in an Airplane

2007-06-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

While our plane was circling, waiting for clearance to land in Atlanta, the sun had sunk low enough to cast a shadow of the tailfin onto the wing on my side of the plane.

Upon seeing this shadow I instantly imagined I was that shadow, spread on the frictionless, handleless slope.

I felt vertigo and fear of death. I felt desperate.

After that tingle of panic I enjoyed being the shadow slipping off the wing of a plane at 20,000 feet. I watched it slide off, inevitably, as the plane turned, and yet the tip most shadow hung on, like a flipper, a moment longer, a moment that made the shadow even more me and then I let go, disappearing somewhere between 20,000 and 0.

Handwriting

2007-06-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

If you click the title above, it will take you to the entry on Kosmo blog, a deaf blogger who suggests a new meme, posting your handwriting. Great idea, says I.

Well I have the image scanned, but blogger is having issues.
Temporary link

Jobs and Karan

2007-06-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I was just surfing, and hit upon Seth Godin's slideshow about Ideavirus. The slide that hit me was number 58, "Fashion editors know the zeitgeist and guess the future."

What I wouldn't give to know the zeitgeist and guess the future.

In a Hurry

2007-06-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in a great hury to sell my soul to the devil and leave an imprint on the world. However, I have nothing with which to leave an imprint.

I will write, but nothing short of The Fountainhead or War and Peace will do.

What skills do I have? None. What skills do I want to have? All of them.

Swishy Pants

2007-06-06T06:31:00.001-07:00

Today I saw an old man wearing a patterned shirt and a pair of swishy black pants. Upon seeing the swishy pants, I thought of dancing, I thought of the pants that some of my dancing friends or acquaintances had, and the way they flapped with energy.

I was then down hearted. I saw an advert looking for a dance instructor, volunteer, to teach swing or salsa (to novices), and I asked my wife if we should do it. She did not say yes. In her usual manner, she gave no answer. I felt a small anger and in anger I felt she had no ambitions. I softened some, and thought about her life, looking after two small children. I wondered if she would ever be free of them if she isn't free now.

I live in hope, but occasionally I find hope lies dormant and faithlessness or fear as well as anger and yanking to get out of the box I find myself in. I feel sometimes trapped, but I also feel that I can only emerge slowly and organically from this/these fetter/s.

It's really the Matrix

2007-06-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

Who cares if there's actually a human brain in the machine? It's basically the Matrix, I realized, as I rode in to work today taking notes. I was going to get into the brain chemical evolution, the slow integration of machine into human body, the descent into machinery and the removal of all aesthetic requirement.

I finished reading WE, and it really is an amazing book, especailly from the time and place in which it was written. I recommend it as a must read; it's one of the few times I'd actually link to a store. I couldn't do Amazon, but then again, if this blog still exists a year from now and someone stumbles upon it, will the link still work? I think it doesn't matter because all links are ultimately perishable. Ebay/Half.com is a compromise, since it still has a glimmer of the original intent, that is, an online yard sale of sorts which to me is one of the best uses of the internet I can think of. Not to say Amazon isn't also a great site, it's just almost all book, movie, and music links are to that site. I zig where I can.

As the novel I would write and now probably won't started to form in my mind, I saw the accidental discovery of time travel and the introduction of a possiblilty that records could be better completed by traveling back in time. A delegation goes back and obtains better records. They arrive just as the last humans are hunted down. These humans have a piece of history not previously known because in their despair, at their extinction, they destroyed them. These time travelers were able to gain a copy because they were much more interested than the 'people/machines' that lived at that time.

In order to tell the long and evolutionary tale of humanity's descent, however, I realized I would have to tell it in vignettes, much the way the Animatrix short films did. Then I realized I was creating a world much like the world of the machines, only humans were not batteries, and the robots had human brains. I wonder if eventually the human brains would have been phased out as well, as technology improved. I would be a human conceit to assume that would not happen.

Also, in my mind, I had to justify the move into this direction. Again I ran up against Animatrix, because essentially the only driver I could think of was cheap, efficient labor in a capitalist society. This spawns entire projects to create the most efficient and least needy worker- primarily mechanical. Less emphasis is placed on art.

But then people must have the irrational, the artistic, the spiritual. Think of the world of Akira. There was a techno futuristic mystic and people followed him. Would this eventually cross into machinery?

The justification question is never answered in WE, it is only assumed that mechanization of human being is the best way to live. It is assumed that the Table of Hours, regimented schedule, and single minded compliance to the Benefactor is the best way to live. It is dictated to D-503 and he whole heartedly believes it. There is no 'why.' What WE doesn't and perhaps cannot explore is the rulers above him, the government that sets the rules, the system that pushes him round and round in a revolving pocket of air.

In writing about the Matrix I'm slightly reassured by the fact that in my world, the machines don't liquidate humans nor use them as batteries. However, the bodies are discarded once the brain is formed enough.

Also, as one of my characters, a leading character I want to use the name of the Nazi scientist who was Jewish and yet created the gas that would kill millions of Jews. This was written about in The Omnivore's Dilemma

Also, as a final note, this book will not be The Rise of the Machines, or at least, not the rise of the evil machines. There's always the robot gone evil scenario, but I want this theoretical course of history to be the stifling of humanity, and slow and consistent until eventually the descent is complete and there are no humans, no mistakes, and a contingency plan for everything.

In essence this novel is about me. My descent from feral to sophisticated. My great fear in doing so. My great fear of the unknown only because it is unknown and more so because it is desirable. Why it is desirable I'll not go into here.

Brain only required

2007-06-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

The human brain was the only thing they couldn't replace, or hadn't replaced yet.

The first line in my new story, or the story I haven't written yet but resides in my head. This story is about some mid-future (as opposed to far-future) timeframe in which humans have, through the process of time, replaced all body parts including head, with mechanics, all but the brain. Also evolved is the physical body in which the brain resides. I'm sure this idea has been done before. I may have even read about it somewhere and this 'idea' is only a regurgitation of the original, long dormant and out of context. If someone does know of a source where this idea was written about, do let me know. And I don't mean CS Lewis' version, where a disembodied head is kept alive by scientists.

I'm thinking of piggybacking off my wife's site and putting the full text there. Once it's written of course.

Commonplace Emotion, Novel Experience

2007-06-04T03:52:00.001-07:00

For the first time in my life, and I'm not young, I realized I'm experiencing (rather, have experienced and will probably again) the feeling of being intimidated by someone else. It's shocking to me, this realization. At the same time, I feel a little closer to the human race at this moment.

Some little woman's hair

2007-06-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

This post is another one about my little hair fetish.. This morning I got off the bus and walked to the metro station, and ahead of me, I think from the same bus, was a little head of hair, on a short woman, whom I assumed was Hispanic or Latina, whichever is correct, and it's a ripple of black hair going down her back and waving a little at the end, in rhythm with her steps.

I know the hair isn't rippling and waving at me; it doesn't intend to hold my attention, but all the way through the gates and up the escalator there is no other thought but to memorize the hair covering this woman's head and part of her shoulders and back.

Along the way I caught glimpses of a porcelain cheek and magnet dust eyelashes. Not Hispanic or Latina. Probably not even pretty.

The hair, from my point of view, hung, starting at the top of the head, parted from middle front to middle crown, and hanging in ripples, reaching for the curve of the back between buttocks and shoulder bow. The sides prevented from reaching, but hair along the spine slid further, and the overall effect was a (blurry) V shape.

I could have obsessed for hours. I already have.

Turkey

2007-05-23T04:54:00.000-07:00

Turkey was bombed or something this week. They instantly call it a terrorist attack. Ok maybe it is... my insider friend from Europe also had something to say about Turkey, U.S.-base of operations there, etc: Turkey wants for Kurds not to have their own state, even though that region of Iraq right now is not governed/governable. If this is true, that the U.S. and Turkey have an agreement that there will be no separate state of the northern section of Iraq allowed, this sheds an interesting light on the current situation. The bombings that recently occurred (and the HUGE national reporting on it) make Turkey such an injured party that it will be easy to rush to their side and keep our side of the bargain against Turkey's threateners.

That's all for now.

Nemesis

2007-05-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

I am reading Nemesis by Isaac Asimov, as mentioned in another post. I haven't really presented my take on the book, and I shall do so here.

Surprising to me are the number of characters the author uses. I don't think this was one of his strongest or most hailed books, or if it was, it wasn't because he wove a complex tale of multiple people. I sense the lack of participation on the part of scientists, workers, government people, settlers, etc, since they're all lumped together.

I do enjoy, however the logic and reasoning in the book. I've often tried to place a reasonable, logical train of thought into words, via email, and it takes me brain time to craft the sentence, and the most frustrating thing about that is that the sentence looks perfectly normal. In this case, I'm enjoying the author's depth of thought into why this will happen and why this else won't happen. The political pushes and pulls that are demonstrated along the plot, either in explanation or through actions are neatly stitched, so that the reader has no trouble gliding down the pages.

Synopsis: (I realize many of my reviews don't include synopses, or if they do they're very limited. In this case it's a little easier because this is a relatively short and pointed work of fiction, at least compared to some of the other books I've read, and easier to summarize. I of course can only summarize to the point where I have read.) Technology on Earth has developed to the point where people have built space stations to orbit earth, and they are big enough to house entire neighborhoods with bulidings, streets, shops, and gardens. The floating neighborhoods are called Settlements, and they look down on dirty mixed up earth. On one station, Rotor, where much of the action of the story takes place, they have discovered the ability to partially move through hyperspace. They have also discovered a star closer than Alpha Centauri. They go there and establish themselves. Everyone else who are back on Earth or orbiting Earth wonder where they've gone and start to peice the puzzle together. Throughout the story is a girl named Marlene who is enthralled by the new world they discover.

There's actually a LOT about Marlene, such that it almost becomes tiresome how long it's taking for the big Marlene reveal at the end, if there is one.

In all, it's a page turner, and a good one. I'm sorry to say I was never a fan of Asimov till now, but I'll now gladly join the ranks of those who like his work. I take the tack that if I can like one book, I can count myself a fan in general.

More book stuff - industry

2007-05-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still pondering the scenario in which my book will take place.

I'm reading wikipedia's version of social contract here. Reading about these concepts of general will and sovereignity remind me that even captialism is limited by what the masses will accept. Either corporations will succeed in dumbing down the masses a la Idiocracy, or that book about a world where everyone is implanted with a brain scrambler that keeps them stupid (anyone know the book? I'll add it later if I find it and if I don't forget). The former case doesn't really demonstrate malicious intent by either government or industry, and the latter case is primarily government as the agent, but the concepts could be used.

So that led me down the track of labor unions as a check against the power of corporations. I admit I'm just not a fan of unions. They're effective as a check against a company's power to use and abuse its employees, but it does not promote productivity and if anything from the stories I've heard, often deters productivity. I also don't know and don't want to know that much about unions, so they couldn't figure very prominently in my scenario.

My next thought was a benevolent mogul of some kind, in the vein of Rockefeller, or Carnegie, or Gates (modern version) who either intentionally or unintentionally crushes a middle-poor family (my Krug) through his actions.

Now granted this whole scenario is entirely plausible without using the world of Jennifer Government, and without any new sci-fi technology, but all that just adds to the fun, I wouldn't want to leave it out.

If I went this direction, I think, rather than making a straightforward sci-fi novel, I'd want more of a cyberpunk feel to it, the narrator would be someone like Hiro Protagonist. But then that would leave the Adam Krug convention. I wonder if I could write in more than one type of central character/narrator/events-happen-to-er?

I need to read another Nabokov, I made the mistake of looking up Krug's name, since I couldn't remember it off the top of my head, and Amazon being the wise servant it is, suggested other Nabokov books, which I can't read right now, but want to.

I'll have to hurry and finish Nemesis

My book - Gov't vs Industry P.S.

2007-05-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

I think I need to read what Hobbes or Locke have to say about the social contract.

I also think thatthere has to be some enforcement of the law, whether it's by the government or by private corporations. But how would private corporations do it? Would they form a consortium, run by the big companies, elected to office from among their ranks? Would they build (or buy existing) jails? It starts to sound like re-inventing the wheel.

Since re-inventing the wheel is not the most cost effective option, I suppose it would be better for industry to work through the existing government infrastructure... OMG this is what they're doing now!

My book - Gov't vs Industry

2007-05-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

Here's an idea. Jennifer Government was already in a place where the government no longer had any power, to the extent that investigations are privately funded by the victim. What about the process or a slice of the process of getting to that point? Government, ever more mired down by paperwork and the 'acquisition process' becomes less and less capable of 'governing' and industry becomes more and more powerful and ungovernable.

This train of thought led me to think on what government exactly does. In my mind I see two roles. 1) redistributing wealth, and 2) creating/enforcing the law. The redistribution of wealth via the IRS also requires law enforcement, so maybe #2 comes first and #1 is a corollary, since laws have been crafted which are intended to redistribute wealth. If I go below the federal level, we start to get into useful things like maintenance of roads and education, not that federal funds don't finance such things, but on a federal level I think it's possible to see that as redistribution of wealth.

I just realized I also left out 3) National defense.

Taking #2 and #3 together, we have essentially a federal government with the main goal of manufacture and deployment of law enforcement and soldiers, with the necessary array of weapons.

Question: will weapons ever be in serious jeopardy of being held up by the acquisitions process? I don't think so, becaue acquisitions are primarily slowed at the technology development stage. Once an item has attained production, and is being produced, or I would daresay has already been produced, the amount of approvals required are minimal, and this item, be it a tank or a gun, can be produced as long as the government has money.

I think the acquisition process won't necessarily bring the federal government down. I've just reasoned that one through. So if in my book I want to present a plausible scenario in which the government is unable to bear its own weight and capitalism holds sway in the extreme, what scenario would cause Krug the most grief, not in a police state but in a money state.

Waxing Political: Iran

2007-05-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who works in Europe, and recently visited with him. We got into politics a little, and I completely agreed with him that Bush was a terrible president. He talked some about Iran, and said that China and Russia were the reaons the U.S. no longer has an overtly hostile intent to use military force, because China gets their oil from Iran, as does Russia. Something to that effect. I didn't fully understand the argument, and even said so to him, that we the regular folks don't get that perspective here. But it's planted a seed of curiosity in me, so in my free time I read up on China, oil, and Iran to see if I could find information related to China telling (not asking) the U.S. to back down. He also added that China can threaten because so many U.S. dollars are in their foreign currency reserves, the result of an imbalance of trade.

More as I think about it... does anyone have comments, or information that puts me closer to the truth?

Kids in Book

2007-05-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

Readers, or should I say reader, since I only know for sure at this point that I am reading this and possibly no one else ever. On the other hand, I don't have to be that optimistic to make readers plural, since the plural only requires one other person on the planet to read this iotb accurate.

I've summarily decided that there will be children in this yet to be written novel/story of mine. I've also decided that a majority of them will do normal children things, which I have observed in my own children. I'm reading Nemesis by Isaac Asimov, and I give him props for including children in his story, one of which is almost telepathic in her ability to use her Admiral Akbar eyes and read body language. I also hark back to Ender's Game which I haven't read in a long time, which features all kinds of children, two of which are killed by Ender, but that's beside the point. I might include a kid of super abilities, but I'd prefer not to, and in the end I think if I do, the kid will have to die suddenly and unexpectedly. Unexpectedly is sudden almost by definition, at least when reading, but is suddenly also unexpected? I don't think so, since a death could be foreshadowed but then happen suddenly.

I think the most logical ways in which a child could die are: falling into something like wet cement or the ocean, or a lot of air under which is a hard surface like a rock or sidewalk; eating something bad and not good for you; or parents not paying the ransom. I'm still sad that the guy really did die in the movie The Clearing but the betrayal of basic human trust carried so much more impact.

Dystopian Capitalist

2007-05-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

My book: Still wanting to write about the dystopian capitalist future, a la Jennifer Government. See also my post on Orgarden City. I've started reading Asimov's Nemesis just to get a sense for future writing, exposure to scifi from one of the acknowledged greats. I didn't ever read him, because one book I read of his, I could not understand very well. Of course I didn't understand Faulkner either, but the style was enough to keep my interest. Bradbury on the other hand has a great concept in Fahrenheit 451 but I could not get past his style. I won't be reading Bradbury. Asimov on the other hand is relatively accessible in the book I'm reading, and actually I'd be interested to find the book I read as a teen which was so confusing the first time around. I think it was one of the Foundation books, but I don't know.

I also saw Idiocracy last night, from Netflix, and it wasn't absolutely awful. It was a great concept, but admittedly small budget. The atmosphere clearly harks back to Brazil, but the comedy echoes Mad TV (never mind that the leading female is from SNL). There's a great capitalist bit in there about a Gatorade-like product completely replacing water for everything, including watering crops. Then when water is re-introduced, the company's stock goes to zero and its computer automatically lays off its workforce. The fact that the head of that company is played by Thomas Hayden Church is only a reminder that it's been 10 days and I still haven't seen Spidey 3.

The other dystopian future with a capitalism-gone-wrong as a side point was Michael Bay's The Island. There's enough money out there that people can actually buy clones of themselves. The movie never really verged into serious assessment of the morality of whether or not the clones are human beings, nor was it very serious in general, but the idea that money can buy an entirely new functioning body, not only is the height of capitalism (the offer of eternal life) but could be treated seriously in my book. The one I've yet to write.

Sometimes I feel that the best I'll be able to do is a re-hash of what's been done, only mixed a little differently. Where would Star Wars be without the knights of the round table, damsels in distress, and evil tyran lords Lucas used to piece together a fun new tale of intergalactic adventure?

And then I think of Nabokov. Entirely original even in this world of regurgitated concepts. I can see the end result but I (seem to) have no way of getting there. Entirely original? The concept stresses me already.

My new book

2007-05-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

If I were to write a book right now, it would probably be entitled "Orgarden City" based on the fac that the two most recent books I've read have been about industrial, organic, and farm grown food; and urban development, castigating Garden City mentality.

I thought, as I walked in from the metro, about people in general, even the ones in 'suburbs' as opposed to the ones in cities, they are probably going to continue to be part of more and more dense populations as time goes on. Jane Jacobs' book will become more and more relevant.

This novel of mine, "Orgarden City" would be a futuristic look, at cities with social ills, and bad food, touted as good food, and bad city planning, touted as 'perfect if only people would do what they're told, not as they'd normally/naturally do.'

Black

2007-05-09T06:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I already made this rant, but I feel the urge to make it today (again, if that be the case) regarding race. This is slightly related to my earlier post regarding diversity regardless of skin color.

The other day some kids were hanging out behind some buildings where condos hadn't been sold yet, they were right next to, across the ravine from our condos which have been. We told them there had been problems with suspicious people around, and that people often call the police on a moment's notice. As the kids walked away, they muttered something about them being black was why we went and talked to them. I wish I had T-shirts for everyone who is white who is unfortunately compelled to walk on by when asked by a black man for a dollar, or who steps into the escalator ahead of a black person, or who is annoyed, bothered, or discomfited by a black person, "IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACK." I just feel that often in our society we are on eggshells when it comes to black people, and we have put ourselves there by allowing the ongoing witch hunt for racists. Any time a black person is nabbed by police, for example, it's because of the blackness, it couldn't be because that person was actually breaking the law. I read an article not too long ago, maybe it was a blog, where someone had recently observed a street over a period of time and determined that yes the police were pulling over more blacks than they were whites. Was it entirely because they are black? What if we were talking about Italians and Irish? What if it was because of the type of cars, with the type of paint jobs, and driving habits that caught the attention of the police? What if there were simply more black people breaking the law (I know this insinuation is heresay, since white people could not be more law abiding than blacks), there's just too many factors before the conclusion has to be racism.

Ethnism I can buy, however. It doesn't take a genius to realize that certain cultures, behaviors, practices, moralities, what have you are less conducive to civilized society and therefore prosecuted more aggressively, and disproportionately so depending on what neighborhood you live in.

Ok I'm done with that rant.

Diversity

2007-05-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Question: can diversity be accomplished in a meeting full of white males?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Answer: Yes, diversity can be accomplished in a room full of white males. There are farmers and city slickers, there are gay and straight, there are educated and uneducated, there are engineers and poly sci majors, there are so many different points of view and so many different cultural exposures even within white populations. I just think that too often there's a strong association between the word 'diversity' and the idea of making sure there's at least one or two black people in your meeting/company/school.

Power Symbols

2007-05-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

More on power symbols: I put on my red shirt yesterday, it was one of my shirts I'm wearing until it has to be washed and folded. It has a lightning bolt on the front, a copy of The Flash's lightning bolt. In fact, I might have bought the shirt at a comics store in Long Beach. That was 1997. I like the shirt, not to show my affinity for the flash, although I'm sure he's super, but because of the simple, bright and straightforward symbol it is.

This goes back to my (mild) fetish for symbols of power.

I noticed EG&G (the company) has a symbol, and it's not that great. I wonder how much they paid for it. Most corporate symbols to my mind don't convey a lot of power, they're just branding. Although I have to admit, I like Lockheed Martin's star point (just the upper right hand point that usually accompanies their company name. By and large it's branding rather than power that companies are after, so their logos and typeface are boring and office-y. Lockheed Martin is a good example of a company whose power comes from the powerful products they make, especially the military toys. In that sense they're like Coke, where Coke puts a small symbol at the corner of a picture of people enjoying life (we are an integral part of your culture), Lockheed Martin puts a their logo at the bottom of a picture with a supertech weapon, fighter, vehicle, whatever they are building. This is power in a sense too, the military might of a country.

Hillarious Clinton

2007-05-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you who saw my cheap shot at Obambam, I have a cheap shot for the other minority in the race, Hillarious Clinton. The picture was unabashedly stolen from somewhere in the internets, if you do a google image search I'm sure you can find the original.

Also, is anyone else getting that link in their gmail feed about Bill's "girlfriend" who was a legislator in Canada and will move to Detroit or something? What's up with that? Truly random but someone must be paying for it to show up on my screen.

ctrl c ctrl v

2007-05-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

To this day I have a fear of typing in long strings for search. Even my short strings are sometimes butterfingered and I have to search again. Since I was first introduced to they keyboard, the <--Backspace has been the single most important key. To this day, I prefer ctrl + C, ctrl + V to search, knowing that I have it exactly as it was in the text.

Omnivore's Dilemma

2007-05-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

Back to my penchant for posting quotes from my reading books, there are lots of quotable bits in The Omnivore's Dilemma, but this one, which was in my morning's reading is especially related to the title, and as such probably especially good.

The author goes into the hills above UC Berkeley (he actually said, "the Berkeley Hills" so I assume somewhere around the Berkeley of UC), he went in search of a chanterelle. While I was reading it I had temporarily put a mental sketch of a bird, not knowing what a chantarelle is, not having dined very well, I suppose. It's a mushroom as it turns out (erase orangeish bird, sketch mushroom with orangeish top).

I took the mushroom home, brushed off the soil, and put it on a plate, then pulled out my field guides to see if I c ould confirm the identification. Everything matched up: the color, the faint apricot smell, the asymmetrical trumpet shape on top, the underside etched in a shallow pattern of 'false' gills. I felt fairly confident. But confident enough to eat it? Not quite. The field guide mentioned something called a 'false chanterelle' that had slightly 'thinner' gills. Uh oh. Thinner, thicker: These were relative terms; how could I tell if the gills I was looking at were thin or thick ones? Compared to what? My mother's mycophobic warnings rang in my ears. I couldn't trust my eyes. I couldn't quite trust the field guide. So whom could I trust? Angelo! But that meant driving my lone mushroom across the bridge to San Francisco, which seemed excessive. My desire to saute and eat my first-found changerelle squabbled with my doubts about it, slender as they were. But by now I had passed the point of being able to enjoy this putative chanterelle without anxiety, so I threw it out.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had impaled myself that afternoon on the horns of the omnivore's dilemma.