Paralysis

Now that I've filled 'you' in on the fact that my mind hits upon wonderful ephiphanies while emerging from underground and pedding my way to the tall squarish structure called 'my' office building, here is one of them, in its either short or long form, hard to say before I've written it.

Today's epiphany of sorts looks like this: "Paralyzed by Possibilities." This would protentially be put on a t-shirt in some funky Web 3.0 font with a bit of glow and goo looking pseudo ironed-on... and the back story of the shirt as told to literally thousands of inquiring minds on the street, in the office on extremely casual day, and in bars, clubs, and places of gathering for social purposes, and even occasionally at church functions although more apprehensively** . Yikes does the period go after the ** thingy? What are those thingys called anyway? Reference marks? Text anchor points? Where was I?

Anyway then I realized it wasn't specific enough, I thought about my customer (program manager) and the lack of speed in which decisions are made, due to the need for accurate and complete information in as much volume as possible before said decision is promgulated (promulgated?). I personally can make decisions and I think they are wonderfully awesome, but I was thinking of the self in the scenario of talking to others, semi-social and mostly work environment where I want to sound intelligent and confident, but usually come across as unsure of my information, unless of course I'm sure of my information.

That whole train of thought really originated with the desire to excel at what I do and be acknowledged as a smart, competent member of the team, and eventually someone who can lead.

This thing, leadership, and the whole necessary part of actually liking people enough to LEAD them somewhere, the idea of having the personality for it seems distant to me. I feel that a metamorphosis would have to occur in which I become a pleasant and cheerful person with warmth and feeling as well as strength and resolve. The warmth and feeling part being the more problematic of those characteristics, since I think my ability to feel and to connect lies dormant. I hope it exists at all, for if it doesn't it can't wake up.

**apprehensive is word of the day